When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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