He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
