All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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