that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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