Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i will never coherently bang her
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
