my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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