Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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