Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
