it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
