Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dicks are not precious.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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