where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
