Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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