i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
