When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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