Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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