I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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