Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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