i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
