if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
