woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
