bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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