I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
