So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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