dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
