lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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