I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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