Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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