i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
