She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
