what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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