Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
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I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
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I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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