Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
