Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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