Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
