I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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