well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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