I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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