i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
