New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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