When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I love you.
Bad choice
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