he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
