I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
