do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
