So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He shit in the fireplace
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
