Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
