Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
