We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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