I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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