I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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