the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
