Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
