I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
vagina is talking i cant
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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