shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Did I show you my penis last night?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
