she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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