I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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