just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He kissed a someone with a penis
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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