he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
