this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize