Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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