i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
