She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
