He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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