chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
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i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
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Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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