There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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