Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
