I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
