I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hippo gnu deer
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
