I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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