if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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