it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
