my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
