He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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