I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
