i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize