my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
