A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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