We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
