I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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