I think my fart just growled at me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
