i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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